If you’re ever in a dialogue with one, or in a group with one present, you’ll notice the way the bring other people’s vocal input under their control and direction.
If you hear them speaking on the phone you’ll notice the same thing. I’m not saying listening into their conversation. But they’ll be so vocal in their speech you’ll have no choice but to listen to what they say even if you’re not part of that phone call. It’s like an a belief by the Narc that everyone should hear their voice whether they want to or not.
But just back to the vocals. It’s something in the way they talk or vocalise their words.
- Normal people input into a conversation without any attempts to control.
- A Narcissist will wait for the input then grab and take control of that input. The Narc will then make sure that what they say is dominant over what the original person said as if the Narc’s contribution is better. And when they’ve done that they’ll input their own as if it’s the only thing important.
For example:
Person A: I went out today and took part in this new activity.
Narc: Oh yes! I’m done that! Oh, and Did you know…
It’s like the Narc must present themselves as not only having done what Person A has done but done it better. So the Narc is dismissing Person A’s telling or this activity and supplanting it for their own. Then, inputting their own experiences of that activity into Person A as the dominant information.
And notice the tone and emphasis on the words the Narc uses.
- When the Narc claims to have done the same they’ll use a tone that’s overconfident but dismissive of Person A’s experience as if Person A’s experience is amateurish and not important.
- When the Narc inputs their own experiences, they’ll emphasis their words more as if they’ll trying to drill into Person A that what the Narc says is the absolute truth. So truthful that it’s unbelievable. You hear the same sort of tone if one person gossiping to another is trying to convince the other that something is true. They’ll say it as if their voice is in shock. For example, the sort of dialogue that involves:
Person C: “Did you know, she said that HE was the one doing it.
Person B: “ReALLy!”
It’s hard to get across when typing. But notice where they emphasise their syllables and words. It’s a clue to someone trying to instil the importance that something is true but usually when it’s not.
But this is just how a Narc will input information and attempt to convince others that it’s true. They’ll use shock in their words and syllables to get this across.
A normal conversation will be without such emphasis and shock input in the tone because a normal conversation would just be telling it how it is rather than trying to convince someone else that something is true and needs to be believed at all costs.
If someone uses this sort of shock tone in their words you really need to ask yourself:
“Is this actually true, or is this person trying to convince me it’s true?”
Some Narc’s will use extreme emphasis on words to get you to believe a lie.
Some will be more subtle but it’ll still be there.
The clue is where the emphasis and shock is in their words/syllables. If it’s more subtle, you just need to listen more carefully for it. Look at their body language. Do their eyes widen as they tell it? If they do it’s a good sign that it’s there.
Another one is if they seem to withdraw in shock (in their word tones) when they want you to believe that you shouldn’t be doing something they don’t want. Or they shake their heads sort of condemningly as they say what shouldn’t be being done. But like a lot of these techniques they use, it only works if you believe it.
If they use shock in their words/tones and you also go into shock it’s a sign you’re being roped into the belief it’s true. At this point you need to stop, take a step back and stop allowing yourself to be drawn into it. You might then find logic kicking in rather than believing every word they say.
They rely on you being drawn into them and taking on the shock they’re trying to instil so it becomes real for you. But if you can stop yourself being drawn in you’ve got a much better chance of seeing what’s really happening.
It’s like they’re trying to drag and pull you, using words, into a state of fear and shock. Because one you’re in there the Narc can take control and direct you. The Narc can then present themselves as the saviour to steer you away from the bad thing they’ve shocked you into believing. And once you trust the Narc, and believe the Narc can save you, you’re trapped. But like all things, once you’ve learnt to recognise their methods you’ve a lot better chance to escape unscathed.
Once you recognise how they drag you in, you can see what they’re up to. The Narc is presenting to you as being the saviour of a fear that the Narc created in the first place!
